Crazy | rachmiel's Blog

Got the rest of my stuff out, so bizarre, it was unreal. Visiting the house was hard, my STBX had completed several projects that had gone uncompleted for the whole time I lived there. Kind of made me mad, a friend said, well, maybe he was trying to show you he can change. Yeah, change when I throw a tantrum(leaving), not when I asked, begged or pleaded. But I leave, everything is getting done and accomplished. Is that what it takes to get him to take me seriously? That's what if feels like/ felt like. None of my concerns where addressed during our relationship. I remember him saying at one point, well maybe I just needed a fire lit under my ass. But that's not my job, to go around lighting fires to get stuff done. A relationship shouldn't be that hard. Just trying to get a garbage can for the kitchen, or change the heat in the winter shouldn't be a struggle/argument. (yes, I couldn't even turn the a/c on when I was roasting in the summer.) Those should be the easy things, I'm pretty sure. A former neighbor called, to tell me how much she liked having me as a neighbor. Tore me up inside. Felt like I was the "bad guy" for leaving. I guess I could go back, and just "outsource" all the bad parts, but that would be pretty much everything. So that's a no go. I sometimes wonder if I moved too fast, but I don't think moving slower would have changed the outcome, still don't love him, still not attracted to him. The hard part is letting mutual friends know we are separated. On the other hand, when I share that I am separated, some people open up and share their stories, and offer encouragement. That is pretty awesome.